


we can only hurt each other (but at least the pain is sweet)

by olivemartini



Series: All The Lovely Ones Have Scars [36]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, BAMF Pepper Potts, F/M, Getting Together, Hurt Pepper, Hurt/Comfort, Iron Man 2, Oblivious Tony, Pepperony - Freeform, Tony's trying his best, like five years on this website and I still don't know how to tag things, will you guys just read it plz
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-28
Updated: 2018-12-28
Packaged: 2019-09-29 10:06:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17201489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/olivemartini/pseuds/olivemartini
Summary: Pepper's got bruises up and down her sides.~or~The one where Pepper got hurt when Tony rescued her at the end of IM2 and she's trying her best to keep him from finding out.





	we can only hurt each other (but at least the pain is sweet)

**Author's Note:**

> It's been a while but I've returned! Hope you guys like it. Consider it your belated Christmas gift

There were bruises up and down her sides.

Pepper hadn't noticed the pain at first, because that was covered up with the adrenaline and the panic strewn shock of finding out that Tony was dying, but later, when she woke up the next morning with every bend and twist and stretch of the arm sending a burning snapping sensation screaming up her ribs like something inside her was tearing apart, she couldn't do anything  _but_ notice it.  Pepper hadn't even been all that surprised when she stood in front of the bathroom mirror with her shirt yanked to the side and stared at the bruises that had been splashed up and down her side, the black and blue and mottled yellow that was covering every inch of the skin.

 _Jesus,_ she had thought then, and almost went to shake Tony awake and say that she had to go to the doctor, but then she thought about the emails piling into her inbox and how her phone would start ringing the moment the work day started, and about how Tony was sleeping more peacefully than he had in ages, and she doesn't, just presses her fingers down over her ribs, hissing when just the brush of them against her skin feels like someone was stabbing her.  

She wouldn't be going to a doctor, either, she knew.  Mostly because Jarvis had already assured her that there was nothing wrong with either her or Tony that Tylenol and a weeks worth of bed rest couldn't fix, but also because when she really looks at herself, she can't imagine actually doing as something as normal as walking into a family practitioners office and showing him the whole ugly mess of her.   _Oh, this?_ She never liked to tell the doctor what was wrong or when she was in pain, even when it was an emergency trip, just always stubbornly insisted that everything was fine even when it wasn't.   _Nothing.  Just the reminder of the time my boyfriend flew a hunk of metal into my side at eighty miles an hour and then rocketed me into the sky in order to save my life, nothing out of the ordinary._

And how terrible, really, that is wasn't out of the ordinary.

The strangest part of it all was getting to call Tony her boyfriend.

"Hey."  There's footsteps outside the door and then a gentle knocking, and the reminder that she isn't alone makes Pepper jump.  She isn't used to Tony being so in tune to her, especially not these few months, but he must have woken up when she slipped out of bed.  "Everything alright?"

There's a moment where she glares at herself in the mirror and then draws in a shaky breath, but then she turns back to the door and wrenches it open, trying to keep any shadow of pain from forming on her face.  It wouldn't do him any good to know that he had hurt her, even if he had done it while saving her life.  Tony's brain doesn't work like that- everything was his fault, always his fault, and he would accept nothing less from himself than absolute perfection.  And he never wanted to hurt her.  She's known for a while now that the last thing that Tony ever wanted to do was hurt her, even in the moments where she thought he couldn't possibly be more cruel.

"I feel like I should be asking you that."  She laughs and it hurts, and he smiles and that hurts him.  He's so tired, she can see the fatigue spreading over him in the slump in his shoulders and the distance in his eyes, how he was gripping the door frame.  Natalie ( _no, she reminds herself, Natalie didn't exist, it was Natasha, Natasha Ramonov, always was Natasha_ ) had warned Pepper that that might happen, at least while the rest of the plutonium was being worked out of Tony's system.  That he would just need someone to keep an eye on him, and Pepper had smiled, and felt better than she had in weeks, because that, at least, was nothing new.  "How are you feeling?"

"Fine.  Better than fine."  He reached out for her, hands at her hips, and it's with effort that Pepper doesn't draw away.  He hasn't stopped finding excuses to touch her since the rooftop three days ago, always holding her hand or pressing his knee against hers or sitting too close to her on the couch, but Pepper can't find a reason to argue, even when she finds each point of contact jarring against her battered body.  "I've got you."  He really is charming, Pepper thinks.  Always had been, even from that first week when she was just learning how terrible it was to be his assistant.  "Come back to bed?"  His hands slide from her hips to her arms, pulling her to him, just a bit.  He always holds her lightly enough that she could pull herself away if she wants to, but so far, Pepper has been so desperate for the reminder that the both of them are alright that she never wants to.  "Or can you not sleep?"

It would be a good excuse.  A better excuse than anything else that she came up with, considering that he must have heard her walk in here and do nothing but stand in the middle of the room, considering she hadn't opened any drawers or turned on a faucet, just stood and stared at herself in the mirror for a good ten minutes.  And it would probably be enough to let her be able to move down to the office without question, where at least she could down some pain meds and a whole pot of coffee without him wondering what was wrong.

( _That's another thing about Tony that she had started happening, how nervous he was about everyone around him.  The same question seemed to burst out from him every time Pepper or anyone else so much as moved the wrong way -what's wrong, are you alright, is anything the matter, did I do something- and it's the only sign that shows how desperately he is trying to make up for the things that he had done, how afraid he is that she could somehow still be angry at him for what he had done with that poison pumping through his blood.  Like maybe he has gotten used to everything he cares about slipping through his palms like water and wants to make sure he can always hold onto her._ )

( _She wants to tell him not to hold so tightly.  To let her go just a little bit, to stop strangling everything that comes his way.  That everyone needs room to breathe sometimes._ )

There's a moment where she doesn't answer, and he notices the pause, and she can see the anxiety spiking, right behind the eyes.  She can always tell how frantic and thin he was feeling just by looking at him.  Pepper could always tell, and for a moment, she thinks of telling him the truth, just to make that look go away, but doesn't.  She knows that it would only make things worse.  Knows, without really being able to say why she felt like this was something she should hide, that Tony is not as strong that he always keeps pretending to be.

Pepper needs to be strong for him.  That's what she's always done, and it's what she'll keep doing, no matter how bad it hurts.

"Everything's fine."  Her smile, when she turns back to him, is real.  "Go back to bed, Tony."  She keeps his hand on the inside of his wrist and hopes he doesn't notice that she is keeping track of his pulse.  She likes to feel it, the steady beat pounding away beneath her fingers.  The arc reactor had failed, tricked her into believing that he was safe when he wasn't, but Pepper doesn't think that this can lie.  "I'll be back in soon."

He listens to her, smiles softly as she shuts the door behind him, and Pepper sighs, leaning against the counter.

"Don't tell him, Jarvis."  The AI tends to make up his own rules, bend the protocols that Tony had sent to do whatever Jarvis seems to think is best for the inhabitants of the house.  She knows that he would tell Tony if he could.  "He doesn't need to know."

"With all due respect, Ms. Potts," The voice is only a whisper.  She hadn't known until now that he could whisper.  "I think it's doing you both a disservice not to tell him."

Pepper doesn't answer.  She doesn't know owe anyone an explanation, certainly not a computer.

 _You knew this was coming.  You've known it forever._ Pepper slips her hand back up her shirt, follows the pathway of where the ridges of the suit had dug into her, those razor thin lines that were still scabbed over on her stomach.   _This didn't happen because someone was evil, it happened because Tony is something glorious, something great, and greatness invites challenge just as much as it brings admiration.  This is going to keep happening, again and again and again, just as long as he keeps trying to be a hero, so long as everyone in the world with something to prove knows his name.  He's a target, and even if no one manages to get to him, they'll certainly get close- and who's standing closer to Tony than Pepper?  The bruises, she knew, were just a beginning._

"Pepper?"  Tony's voice, not at the door this time.  "It's almost morning.  You want me to just get breakfast started?"

Pepper looks at herself in the mirror- the bruises and the scabs and the aching visible in her eyes, the way her nails were chipped and broken from where her fingers had bent and scrabbled at the metal when Tony had accidently pinned her hand underneath the arm of his suit- and lets her shirt fall back down, let's herself look like herself again: just a worn out secretary who works too many hours and who is in love with her boss, and whose boss appears to love her back.  A secretary who is probably going to have to deal with a lot worse than bruises before this is all over.

"Sounds good, Tony."  Her voice doesn't even shake. She's become such a good liar.  "I'll be there soon."

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so I meant it to be a fluffy "they're finally together" piece but then this happened, because apparently I am incapable of writing anything but angst for this ship, I don't know. But anyways- hope your holiday season is going well and that those of you who celebrate it had a good Christmas, and as always you can find me on instagram @olive.writes.fanfic


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